I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
