oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
