i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize