if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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