Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
wow bdsm is so cute
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
