Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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