she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
