I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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