you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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