She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
