Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
