the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
