We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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