I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
