I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
