well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
