I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
