Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
