K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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