Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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