I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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