You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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