you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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