Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Life is so much better after having sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
