Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
