I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
