i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
