well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
