We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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