I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Need sex. Gaining weight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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