we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
