Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
