I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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