2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
