dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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