I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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