this just has baby written all over it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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