Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
