I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize