What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
