we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
