I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Randomize
