You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
