I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
barbara walters just said penis...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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