Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
