im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
