I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
