how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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