All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My vagina is officially offended.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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