I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
