batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
