Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
