so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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