I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
