how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
