I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
