I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
