i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We had to coat check the pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
