apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
