i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
