I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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