He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
