one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
