My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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