Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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