Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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