I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
