his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
